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Friday, August 14, 2009

Im letting out everything im feeling


PIST OFF. SENSE OF REGRET.IM DISSAPOINTED this is gonna be a long post,Im letting out everything im feeling so bare with it if it hurts you, im SORRY if im not perfect in the 4 of you guys eyes,Look i tried my very best to be friends with him eventhough everything was heartbreaking,I was holding the pain of in my heart while chatting with him eventhough i didnt want to talk to him i knew i needed to STOP holding a feeling that he's my E-N-E-M-Y and start being friends I TRIED but look he's the one avoiding reality so...HASLINAHHHHH i need you NOW!!bahhh i really need tissues (SAKET HATI) urghhhh adah was right..Im trying my best not to judge him but he's making me judge him you noe..

I chatted with him at Facebook i was just asking bout School & Studies den when i was asking him: What is ur weakest subject? He didnt reply!!Like how i used to msg him, he dont reply & a few minutes later he off9 (SAKET HATI) banget...BTW Syafiq thanks for the careness buddy;D

Aqilah on9 but IDK what happen she didnt reply me so was abit SAD i need company well I agree im a pampered child adah was right I trouble people means Aku ni menyusahkn orang..

Look adah i recall i NEVER told you anything bout my past mistakes alright?! I know there must be someone who told you bout it if not why in a sudden ask tht question right?! Now you know im BAD and Aqilah is GOOD right she dont have any of my bad habits & she dont always skip school w/o a valid reason so she is better... & thats why i say no one understands me..But HEY adah tht was 2008 and this is 2009 ive changed for the better but you made me recall back those idiot times..Im trying my best to CHANGE and i really believe tht being friends with you guys can make me change because I BELIEVE IN YOU GUYS now you understand why im not like Aqilah tht is soft type of person..I admit during my primary school experiences i dont have a TRUE friend & i have difficulties believing my friends & my friends aint that GOOD like you guys i have BAD influence back in those times and if you were in my shoes you will understand for the time being you WON'T not only in school,at home is full of vulgar's whenever we fight bad example from my daddy PLEASE try putting urself in my SITUATION bck in those primary school times i go thru thin & thick MYSELF no guidance at all.& thats why whenver you/guys planned for an outing for the 5 of us, im not there..Some of you might think negatively bout me IDK whats gonna be for my future years.im NOT perfect..I have a naughty babysister to look after and im trying my best to be a good sister & i dont want her to follow or go thru any of my painless & pointless times..Between my siblings im the ONE who takes care of my sister properly,sacrificing my school for her & sacrificing my dearest friends thoughts on me,turning outing with you guys down just for my sister..You see im sacrificing everything for her..Thats just because she's the ONLY person that makes me laugh when im crying & she's the only one that listens attentively to my problems eventhough she doesnt understand a single word im saying..And so she deserves my respect..I really treat you guys as my precious ones but sometimes you MUST understand my situations..Now my secret have been known by Shuhadah next Haslinah or maybe Haslinah knew already next Fazirah & they will think BAD things bout me..D: Some things I just cant trust you A SECRET IS A SECRET and shouldnt be REVEAL..

I think i must start to STOP revealing my secrets to certain people..My dad smoke My brother smoke My mom smoke My friends smoke too what do you expect i get influence by ???

Im not a bad person you see but some of you choose to think that way..Dont my face looks innocent?! Im trying to CHANGE please give me S-P-A-C-E to do so and dont ask me bout tht SMOKE thing ANYMORE im on the right path now and i still need support from you guys can you guys be tht support im hoping for?! I really need tht support..I cannt be lonely when im DEPRESSED because my brain wont let me think positively instead it will let me think NEGATIVELY and negative activites will occur..And thts where my (idiot action) takes place..

ONLY Nadiah,Illyana,Aqilah,DanialAdam,Adila,Hirah,Att & Nisha knew bout my secrett..

And now my primary school friends is starting to change to be BAD & im the the one changing to be a better ME..I regretted with my act & i really wanna change but its hard if no one give me encouragement..Aqilah used to be my listening ear but i can't be depending on her always rit?!

Aqilah i noe you understand me but certain things i noe you will not understand me because you are not facing it true?! & I know certain things in ur problem i couldnt understand too but one day i will understand it..Sometimes im jealous in you..You dont have that BAD habitts tht i have..

I REGRETTED EVERYTHING that ive done wrong I SERIOUSLY DO..People have been treating me cruely for the past few years & people have been stepping over my head but when nows the time for me to seek revenge people will always think badly bout me..I NEED TISSUES

Try reading my post with I wished you loved me by Tynisha keli den you will feel the touchedness i think ive been telling too much secret too people & starting from now i shall not reveal anymore Guys(my 5 dearest) i really appreciate ur encouragement ur careness ur greatness & ur everything but please if im being OVER to the TOP please tell me or if im hurting you guys or whatsoever just tell me my mistakes & i will try and improve alright im done here!